A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.
Caution... They Walk Among Us
====================
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???"
They Walk among us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and
has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up
with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific.."
They Walk Among Us
===================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".
They Walk Among Us
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car : it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both....
They Walk Among Us
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Normal People
We think we are all normal isn't it. Wait till u read this
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "after we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub"
Here are the choices: Would you use the spoon? The teacup? The bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." Noooooo," answered the Director, looking at the visitor with new interest.
"A normal person would pull the plug".
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "after we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub"
Here are the choices: Would you use the spoon? The teacup? The bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." Noooooo," answered the Director, looking at the visitor with new interest.
"A normal person would pull the plug".
Little Johny thinking
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and y ou shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are
thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now.
If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
Licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her
cone, which one is married?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking.
The Teacher Fainted..
picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and y ou shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are
thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now.
If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
Licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her
cone, which one is married?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking.
The Teacher Fainted..
Sardaji and Slippers
AFRAID THAT SOMEONE WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR SLIPPERS WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM OUTSIDE THE MOSQUE/ TEMPLE? ---
FOLLOW THE SAME METHOD AS THIS
GENIUS SARDAR!--
FOLLOW THE SAME METHOD AS THIS
GENIUS SARDAR!--
Monday, December 11, 2006
Fun with English
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an London office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a London secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in London health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world.
At a Budapest zoo:PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Hotel, Acapulco:THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
In a Nairobi restaurant:CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.
In a City restaurant:OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an London office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a London secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in London health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world.
At a Budapest zoo:PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Hotel, Acapulco:THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
In a Nairobi restaurant:CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.
In a City restaurant:OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Cool Speech
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditionalmanner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home andfamily", she said
"Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create anyinconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want you all to changeyour way of life, your routine."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.
What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home andfamily", she said
"Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create anyinconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want you all to changeyour way of life, your routine."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.
What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Call Centres in 2050
Imagine....
It is 2050 and call centres are opening all Over the West, as the new economic power India Out-sources work to the countries where many jobs Originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to Adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs That pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the World: Rupees. Some of them, eager to land one of the Customer service jobs from India, are attending Special training sessions in New York City, led by Language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler Name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan .
On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching Three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.
Professor: "Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need To give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be Known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be Ranjit. And Jane, you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you Just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?"
Gary: "Name-as-tea ?"
Professor: "I think you mean 'Namaste.' Very good. But What do you say after that?"
Gary: "How can I help you?"
Professor: "You're on the right track. Anyone else?"
Jane: "How can I be helping you?"
Professor: "Good try! You're using the correct tense, But it's not quite right. Anyone else?"
Randy: "How I can be helping you ?"
Professor: "Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let's try some small talk. Give me a comment That would help you make a connection with your Indian Customers."
Randy: "It's really hot, isn't it?"
Professor: "The heat is always a good topic, but you Haven't phrased it correctly. Try again."
Randy: "It's deadly hot, isn't it?"
Professor: "That's better. But your tag question can Be greatly improved."
Randy: "It's deadly hot, no?"
Professor: "Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of Almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?"
Jane: "Yes, we are understanding you, no?"
Professor (smiles): "We may need to review this later. But let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word 'yaar'?"
R andy: "Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give Me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar Computer."
Professor (laughs): "That's a different 'yaar,' yaar. The 'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or Buddy. You can use it if you've developed a rapport With a customer. For example, you can say, 'Come on, Yaar. I am offering you the best deal.' Do you Understand, Jagadamba?"
Jane: "Yaar, I do."
Professor (smiles): "Okay, let's talk about accents. If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I Bought for my vife,' ho w would you respond?"
Randy: "Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be Wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight."
Professor: "Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a Bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven't said anything in a while. Do you Have any questions about what we've just learned ?"
Gary : "Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn't it be simpler to learn Hindi?"
It is 2050 and call centres are opening all Over the West, as the new economic power India Out-sources work to the countries where many jobs Originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to Adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs That pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the World: Rupees. Some of them, eager to land one of the Customer service jobs from India, are attending Special training sessions in New York City, led by Language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler Name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan .
On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching Three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.
Professor: "Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need To give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be Known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be Ranjit. And Jane, you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you Just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?"
Gary: "Name-as-tea ?"
Professor: "I think you mean 'Namaste.' Very good. But What do you say after that?"
Gary: "How can I help you?"
Professor: "You're on the right track. Anyone else?"
Jane: "How can I be helping you?"
Professor: "Good try! You're using the correct tense, But it's not quite right. Anyone else?"
Randy: "How I can be helping you ?"
Professor: "Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let's try some small talk. Give me a comment That would help you make a connection with your Indian Customers."
Randy: "It's really hot, isn't it?"
Professor: "The heat is always a good topic, but you Haven't phrased it correctly. Try again."
Randy: "It's deadly hot, isn't it?"
Professor: "That's better. But your tag question can Be greatly improved."
Randy: "It's deadly hot, no?"
Professor: "Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of Almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?"
Jane: "Yes, we are understanding you, no?"
Professor (smiles): "We may need to review this later. But let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word 'yaar'?"
R andy: "Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give Me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar Computer."
Professor (laughs): "That's a different 'yaar,' yaar. The 'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or Buddy. You can use it if you've developed a rapport With a customer. For example, you can say, 'Come on, Yaar. I am offering you the best deal.' Do you Understand, Jagadamba?"
Jane: "Yaar, I do."
Professor (smiles): "Okay, let's talk about accents. If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I Bought for my vife,' ho w would you respond?"
Randy: "Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be Wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight."
Professor: "Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a Bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven't said anything in a while. Do you Have any questions about what we've just learned ?"
Gary : "Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn't it be simpler to learn Hindi?"
Monday, December 04, 2006
Boss
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a paper shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "This is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
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