Friends

Mommy Daddy

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I
took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration
and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so
smart."
I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the
Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she
beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the
daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face

Alcoholism

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your drink.

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

7. Symptom: Your wife and everyone else at home are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house